


Signpost in the Sea

by the_gaping_plot_hole



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Akihiko and Haruki are good big brothers, Bad Sex, M/M, Miscommunication, followed by good sex, poor Tama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:00:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_gaping_plot_hole/pseuds/the_gaping_plot_hole
Summary: Mafuyu and Uenoyama new to sex (at least with one another) have a bad experience.  Instead of talking about it, Ritsuka runs off leaving Mafuyu feeling alone.  With the advice from their older friends, they learn how to work through the problem.Just a short story that floated around my head the other night :)True to the anime, the title is a song, a UK one even, by peach, the band that Tool's bassist, Justin Chancellor, used to be in.  It reminds me of Mafuyama <3
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki, Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Signpost in the Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hi! I'm new to the Given fandom, though I have been reading it for a while. I love the manga and anime and hope to have more in the US soon. I hope that you enjoy this little story. It's always fun to think back to a time when sex was new and you had to learn how to pleasure a new partner and give and take and all that jazz. Please give kudos if you enjoy and leave a comment as well. Thanks!

Mafuyu didn't protest as he was leaned back onto his pillow. Uenoyama's lips didn't leave his once, though the act in itself was growing increasingly sloppy. It was obvious that his thoughts were occupied elsewhere. A clumsy grope at Mafuyu's crotch confirmed his observation. Mafuyu couldn't help the small moan that escaped from his vocal cords, finding that he didn't mind the change to their afternoon study plans one bit.

Uenoyama shuddered to the music of Mafuyu's voice, always being a fan of any sound that escaped his boyfriend's lips. The dark-haired teen boldly rubbed at Mafuyu's erection through his skinny jeans, a lot more confident with the act since it wasn't the first time that he'd pawed at his boyfriend. It was like the third. Mafuyu bucked his hips forward into Uenoyama's palm, desiring more friction.

Mafuyu's eyes snapped open when he felt Uenoyama suddenly rise from the bed. He cast a confused and betrayed gaze to Uenoyama's sapphire eyes, but soon saw what the issue was. His lust filled brain had tuned out the sound of Tama scampering the room in circles, apparently happy for his human finally getting some action. Mafuyu tried to swallow his laugh as he watched his boyfriend chase the white furball, his erection a prominent bulge in his black jeans. Uenoyama did not feel comfortable with the watchful eyes of Tama.

Once caught, Tama was ungracefully dumped outside the room before the door was quickly shut. Some whining could be heard but Mafuyu didn't feel too bad. He wanted Uenoyama to feel comfortable. As proud and cocky as the guitarist was when it came to music, he sure as hell was nervous about their progressing physical relationship.

Uenoyama faced him once more as he palmed his erection through his jeans, blushing heavily as he did so. But it looked like he needed some physical contact, or he was going to lose it. Mafuyu was glad that his shyness was starting to fade. In the beginning, he wasn't so sure that Uenoyama might have been mistaken about liking him. He had never taken the other teen as gay. Mafuyu's head was so full of Yuki on most days that he wasn't always the most observant of creatures. But he didn't want to think about Yuki right now.

Mafuyu's salmon-colored eyes gazed longingly to Uenoyama's, hoping that his coy look would encourage the dark-haired teen back to the bed. He was met with success. Uenoyama's mouth took Mafuyu's lips once more, grinding his erection into his boyfriend's. Both of their breathing picked up then, and Mafuyu grew concerned that if they kept it up, it would be over before it even began.

They'd done it once so far. It was last week and had been wholly unexpected on Mafuyu's part. It had taken so long just for Uenoyama to make out with him regularly, he figured at the current rate, it'd be some months still. But that hadn't been the case. Uenoyama had stayed the night over after a long session at the studio and things had quickly escalated as soon as Mafuyu explained that his mother was working the night shift and wouldn't be home for hours. There had been such a build up leading to the event, that it had been clumsy and fast, though enjoyable.

Mafuyu had kind of figured out by this point that Uenoyama had a thing for his voice. Whether it be singing or merely talking, the dark-haired teen hung on every word. It made Mafuyu feel powerful. He'd never felt that way before. When it came to him and Yuki, well Yuki was definitely in control of their relationship. But he didn’t want to think about Yuki right now.

"Uenoyama kun, slow down," Mafuyu exhaled once he could feel his boyfriend quivering from their contact. From the slice of Uenoyama's face that was visible up close, he could see that he was full of blush. Mafuyu hadn't meant to embarrass him, but he figured that he'd actually want to have sex again.

Mafuyu gently caressed his broad back, trying to keep him from tensing up from what he'd, no doubt, take as a reprimand. He ran his eager hands around to the front, massaging his fingers into Uenoyama's chest. True, the teen was nowhere close to Kaji's physique, but Uenoyama was more defined and toned than he. Mafuyu liked it. He kept his wandering hands traveling south until they found the dark-haired teen's zipper. Uenoyama groaned in appreciation as Mafuyu's nimble fingers pulled down the zipper and helped free his boyfriend's erection.

His boxers were still confining his cock, but Mafuyu didn't let that stop him from grabbing onto it and giving it a few pumps. He gently pressed his thumb into the damp spot clinging to the head. Uenoyama groaned again. Mafuyu smiled. It was different to be the one in control, but he could admit that he liked it. Eventually, the lack of mobility made Uenoyama impatient, and he quickly pulled his jeans completely off, looking at Mafuyu shyly.

Mafuyu took the hint and unbuttoned and pulled off his own jeans, both teens now only in their boxers and shirts. The last time they hadn't been fully naked, both too shocked that they were finally sharing this monumental moment together, that it had been somewhat rushed. It certainly hadn't lasted very long. Uenoyama looked him pointedly in the eye as he removed his faded band shirt. Mafuyu finally got a proper look at what he'd been thinking about for months.

He quested his hands out to his slightly built form, Uenoyama shivering when his callused fingertips grazed his soft skin.

"Gomen, ne?" Mafuyu offered, not at all sorry for accidently tickling his boyfreind. Uenoyama merely rolled his eyes as his hands gently held the hem of Mafuyu's shirt before asking permission with his sapphire gaze. Mafuyu smiled, not feeling shy and Uenoyama finally made his move. Mafuyu knew that he wasn't much to look at, scrawny really and perhaps too pale. Uenoyama's gaze, however, was making him reevaluate his opinion.

"Mafuyu…look at you," his boyfriend declared in a reverent tone. It was Mafuyu's turn to blush. Uenoyama shyly touched his bare skin, his own callus causing Mafuyu to shiver in turn. A careless fingertip grazed a nipple and Mafuyu moaned softly.

"Ritsuka," he let out. The dark-haired teen's eyes locked onto his, sparkling with emotion. His lips crushed into Mafuyu's. Mafuyu still managed to smile. The smallest bits of affection always left Uenoyama completely undone. Merely calling him by his given name always ended in these sorts of results.

It wasn't much longer before their mutual wandering hands had the courage to pull off each other's boxers. Mafuyu stared, it was the first time that he'd seen Uenoyama entirely naked. He was so red in the face, and his eyes wouldn’t meet Mafuyu's. He had no idea why, Uenoyama was stunning. Mafuyu sensed this was one of those times when Uenoyama was lost in his own head, thinking god knows what. He was funny like that.

"Ritsuka," Mafuyu said, mostly just to get his attention again. It did the trick, his boyfriend gawked at him, still full of blush. "Touch me," Mafuyu demanded. It took a moment, but Uenoyama moved one of his hands, firmly down his stomach, through his small patch of pubic hair and finally encircled around his cock. Mafuyu felt his eyes become heavily lidded as he struggled to keep them open as Uenoyama slowly stroked him.

"Go in that drawer," Mafuyu ordered when the pace picked up. Uenoyama's eyes widened. It was obvious that he remembered what was in there from the last time. Mafuyu refrained himself from laughing at his boyfriend being so nervous to fetch the lube and a condom. He was adorable. Uenoyama passed the supplies to his boyfriend, all wide eyed and undoubtedly going through some crazy debate in his head. Mafuyu was slow to accept the items, hoping that Uenoyama would pick up on his desire for him to take a more active role in bed. He didn’t seem to be picking up on the hint though.

That was okay too. This was all very new to Uenoyama, so he was sympathetic to his apprehension. He didn't want to rush his boyfriend. But Mafuyu definitely missed being touched and worshipped as Yuki had done. But he didn’t want to think about Yuki right now.

So, Mafuyu began coating his fingers with lube and circling around his entrance. It wasn't as if he'd had sex a lot either, so the idea of stretching himself in front of another was a bit much for him as well. However, he knew that someone had to lead this show, and Uenoyama's eyes were glued to his fingers and asshole at present, so that left Mafuyu.

Uenoyama began touching himself as he watched Mafuyu, and that sort of turned Mafuyu on, so it became a little less awkward. It was nice to know that Uenoyama found him so desirable. It wasn't often that he felt that way. Mafuyu wasn't fully ready, not stretched enough, but he was impatient to feel his boyfriend inside of him again.

"Ritsuka, the condom," he encouraged. Uenoyama gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing at his throat, as he looked around frantically to the sheets, having lost track of the foil wrapper of the condom. With shaky hands, he tore it open with his fingernails and slowly rolled it over his leaking dick, quickly rubbing a coat of lube over it. Mafuyu spread his legs open wider, inviting Uenoyama closer. The dark-haired teen got the hint that time as he scooted closer on his knees.

His breathing was already labored as he lined his cock up with Mafuyu's hole. Hesitant blue eyes glanced to Mafuyu, to make sure that everything was still alright. Mafuyu pressed himself forward for answer, immediately feeling a dull stretch as Uenoyama's dick pressed against his entrance. It was slow going and felt like searing ripping, but Mafuyu tried his best to keep the pain from his facial features. He knew that he hadn't been ready but had gone for it anyway. It didn't seem like Uenoyama noticed anyway. His arms were outright trembling as he supported himself above Mafuyu. He was breathing so hard, like that time that he had run after Mafuyu when he'd accidently bumped into Hiiragi for the first time after Yuki's funeral. But he didn't want to think about Yuki right now.

"Oh my god, Mafuyu. You're so tight," Uenoyama said, his voice strained and panting, when he finally bottomed out. Mafuyu smiled then, happy to be giving his boyfriend pleasure, even if he wasn't feeling any himself. Mafuyu pulled Uenoyama down closer, so that he could get some friction on his cock. But for some reason, that set Uenoyama over the edge, and he could feel that his boyfriend was already coming inside him. Uenoyama grew rigid and sunk his head next to Mafuyu's, in his pillow. They couldn't see one another's faces, but Mafuyu didn't need to have a proper view to know that he'd be mortified right now.

Mafuyu could feel Uenoyama's dick softening as it slowly slipped out of his entrance. He tried to not be disappointed, so he said nothing. Eventually, Uenoyama rolled off from him and lay beside him instead. He wouldn't make eye contact and looked to be in a terrible mood. Mafuyu frowned, his own erection starting to soften as it didn't seem this was going anywhere else for the evening.

"It's okay. You can still touch me if you want," Mafuyu offered, trying to salvage the moment that they had been sharing. Uenoyama looked so incredibly embarrassed then. He shot up, hastily removing the condom, and wrapping it in a tissue from the box beside Mafuyu's bed. Without eye contact, he quickly got dressed and was out the door in under a minute.

Mafuyu pulled his sheet up, to cover his naked form and rolled over to face the wall. He felt so lonely then, just like he had when Yuki had left him forever. But he didn't want to think about Yuki right now. He didn’t want to think at all.

***

"Spill," Kaji ordered as he pushed Ue sama forward. The teen looked irate for the push, but when he tried to direct his angry sapphire gaze to Kaji, he immediately blushed. "Something happened. Something's going on between you two. Both of your playing was off," the drummer pressed, knowing that information would not be forthcoming unless he pestered and prodded the teen.

Kaji had little to be proud of in life, having acted in many ways that he thought despicable. He'd been desperate and lowered his morals for what he claimed to be survival. But he had realized that was all bullshit recently. He had swallowed his pride, finally ended things properly with Ugetsu, got back in contact with his parents, and was now living the straight and narrow. All of this for Haruki and for himself.

But the one thing that he had always been proud of, and it wasn't much, was the fact that Ue sama looked up to him, thought that he was cool, and accepted his advice. He'd never had sibings. Though to be honest, Uenoyama had been more reluctant to ask for relationship advice, clearly still coming to terms with the fact that he was in love with another male. Kaji had no doubt that eventually, things would be easier for him after the teen truly accepted that he was in a gay relationship. But for now, every day was an aneurysm for the guitarist.

During the first half of practice, Haruki and he had shared many asides, wondering what in the hell had transpired that Ue sama was having problems with finger placement and Mafuyu was straight up not singing. He'd missed every queue. But he had at least kept playing his guitar. The two teens were clearly not looking at one another. Ue sama looked angry and Mafuyu upset. This was exactly what Haruki had warned about, though to be fair, their's was the first relationship that had effected band practice in the past.

"I fucked up," Ue sama whispered with clenched fist, not looking Kaji in the eye. Kaji nodded and began walking down the road to the convenience store that the band frequented when at the studio. Haruki needed cigarettes and Mafuyu had requested a tea. Haruki and Kaji were so connected, that just by meeting eyes, they both had known that they would be speaking to the younger bandmates during breaktime.

Though Kaji felt more akin to Mafuyu, he knew there was no way in hell that Ue sama would talk with Haruki about relationship advice. He'd be way too embarrassed. But as he always allowed advice from Kaji, they knew this would be the only way. Kaji waited a few minutes before prying, knowing that this had to be personal or private.

"Did you guys get into an argument?" he finally prodded as the bell chimed upon their entering the store. The clerk nodded to them from the register, recognizing them instantly. They both nodded back in acknowledgment, knowing the trials of convenience store life.

"Not exactly. We didn't really talk about what happened. That is to say…I pretty much ran away," Uenoyama admitted. Kaji could tell that the dark-haired teen was not proud of his actions. Kaji really was becoming curious as to what happened. Originally, he had just wanted to get the band back on track, because that's what would make Haruki happy. But now his older brother vibes were prickling.

"What happened then?" Kaji questioned, grabbing the tea that Mafuyu wanted. He decided to get a second one for Haruki. He liked that kind too. Kaji mentally smiled to himself. It was easy to be a considerate boyfriend with Haruki because he allowed gestures of affection, unlike Ugetsu. But he didn’t want to think about Ugetsu right now. Ue sama looked outright spooked. Kaji's thin brows rose. "Come on, let's pay and we can talk outside," he suggested. Yep, this definitely had to be personal.

After making the purchase, Kaji slowly pushed Ue sama in the right direction. He looked ready to dramatically drape himself on the pavement and die. Kaji was always so amused with how die-hard the guitarist was when it came to music but so ready to throw in the towel with everything else. When they were relatively alone, Kaji put an arm around the teen, immediately feeling him tense up.

"Is this about sex?" he whispered to him, their closeness allowing for Ue sama to hear even though cars were speeding by noisily. Ue's rigidness spoke volumes. "You didn't hurt him, did you?" Kaji asked, actually feeling protective of Mafuyu. He knew that Mafuyu was way stronger than Uenoyama and Haruki thought, but he still had a soft spot for the kid. He would defend him, even against Ue sama.

"No! I couldn't even if I wanted to!" Uenoyama mysteriously said. Kaji was so confused now. He guided the teen to the smoking area of the studio that they had arrived at. He forced him to sit on the bench that he thought of as his and Haruki's. He was overly fond of the simple seat, but it played an integral part in his and Haruki falling in love. Countless conversations, arguments, and observations occurred here over the past few years. Each one was tattooed onto his heart. Talking with Haruki was always fun.

"You are going to have to use your words, just like how you lecture Mafuyu. I can't help you if you don't explain. And before you say you don't need help, you do. You two are fucking up band practice. Remember your promise to Haruki," Kaji stated seriously as he lit up a cigarette. Uenoyama sighed deeply, lowering his head down so that he didn’t have to face his idol.

"We have done it. Had sex. Twice. But the last time…something happened. And I left him alone in a bad place," Uenoyama confessed.

"What do you mean bad place?" Kaji asked quickly.

"Metaphorically speaking. We were at his apartment," Ue quickly clarified, realizing just how bad he'd made it sound. "It's just…well I was a virgin. And the first time wasn't really planned, and it all happened so fast," he softly explained. Kaji managed not to laugh. First times were always disappointing disasters, there was no way that Uenoyama hadn't expected otherwise.

"Okay, so it wasn't good? That's normal. It gets better. You have to practice. I know you're capable of that," Kaji teased, ashing his cigarette.

"Well yeah, the first time was shit. Well, I mean it probably was for him. I…I didn't mind it," Uenoyama admitted. "But that's why I wanted to do better the next time. For him. But things didn't go as planned and I kept thinking about how he wasn't even a virgin when we met," the dark-haired teen said quietly. "He didn't even get off and then I couldn't get back into it because I was thinking of fucking Yuki. It's like he's always there, haunting us. And I can't help but think that Mafuyu doesn't much mind," Uenoyama finally finished.

And so now Kaji understood what had happened. He took a long drag as he looked forward at the pretty little landscape that housed the smoking area. The sun was starting to set, and the cicadas were out screaming at full force. Ue had gone completely quiet, awaiting his idol's verdict.

"You shouldn't have left him like that. You probably know more than I do, but you can't expect him to have completely moved on from his ex. It's not like they broke up. The kid died. Sure, Fuyu no Hanashi gave Mafuyu some closure, but it's going to take more time," Kaji explained, feeling it on a deep level. That song had impacted the entire band.

"I think you should also stop comparing yourself to Yuki. Mafuyu loves you. And he's not replacing Yuki with you. Don't think of it that way. You're separate from that whole story. You're a new one altogether," Kaji furthered, killing his cigarette and smashing it into the ashtray. "What you really need to do is talk to him. And probably work on your foreplay," he slipped in the last part as a joke.

Uenoyama looked reasonably offended by the last comment, but after his initial punch to Kaji's arm, he let it go with a loud exhale of breath.

"I'm sorry. And thanks," Ue sama let out as they rose together and headed back into the studio.

"Anytime."

***

"Mafuyu chan, are you guys fighting?" Haruki questioned in a sing-song voice. Mafuyu was sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees that were drawn to his chest. Haruki was perched on a stool, itching for a cigarette, but knowing that the band's harmony was too important to waste this opportunity alone with the silent boy.

It didn’t take an analytical genius to tell that Mafuyu was upset. Haruki had seen how he'd discreetly glanced at Uecchi a few times during practice, as if he were trying to evaluate his feelings. Haruki had no doubt that some terrible miscommunication had blown up in their faces and now the band was suffering for it.

"Not fighting per se. But I think he's avoiding me," Mafuyu answered honestly. Haruki found that Mafuyu actually spoke to him quite a bit, but mostly when they were alone. The teen had respect for him as band manager and maybe just as an adult man in the world. Haruki took this responsibility seriously. He worried about the teen with his seemingly haunted past.

"What makes you think that he's avoiding you?" Haruki inquired, just to make sure no one was assuming something that was merely imagined. Mafuyu shrugged.

"Well, I haven't spoken to him since he left my place the other night. He didn’t even eat lunch with me today at school. He hasn’t text me, but I also didn't text him because I thought he was upset. He did let me walk with him to the station and the studio though," Mafuyu explained, very much correct in his assumption that Uecchi was avoiding him. Haruki sighed, reflexively playing with his lighter.

"Okay. Why would he be avoiding you then?" Haruki pried. Mafuyu's salmon-colored eyes flicked upwards to Haruki then, looking hesitant.

"I'm not sure that you want to hear this Haruki san," he said seriously. Haruki instantly blushed but then swallowed. It was no secret to anyone, before Akihiko, Haruki had never been in a gay relationship. There had been a learning curve for him, but with Akihiko, it had been great. He was in love and he loved their new relationship.

Based off Mafuyu's warning, this most definitely had to do with something intimate. Haruki took in a deep breath. He had to be mature. He had to lend his ear. He was band manager! The show must go on.

"Alright Mafu chan, lay it on me," he stated with a hundred-percent seriousness. Mafuyu looked like he would have laughed if he weren't so upset. The momentary sparkle in his eyes faded as quickly as it had arrived.

"We had bad sex. Then he just left. He wouldn't even talk to me. I don’t know what to do," Mafuyu explained. Haruki did blush, having expected Mafuyu's brutal honesty, bracing himself for it even, and still having a hard time hearing the confession. He did recover though, knowing that he had started this conversation and he must guide his young friend to some resolution.

"So, he was disappointed?" Haruki questioned. Mafuyu nodded. "With you?" Mafuyu shook his head no.

"I think in himself. I could tell he was overthinking it; you know like he always does when he's experiencing something new. And it effected his performance. I tried to console him and let him try again, but he ran away," Mafuyu explained. Haruki sighed. That definitely sounded like their favorite moody guitarist.

"I can't change my past. I wonder if he resents it. I wonder if he regrets dating me," Mafuyu added quietly. His chin wrinkled as he tried to keep a straight face. Haruki's eyes widened. Oh no! Mafuyu could not cry while they were alone! He did not know how to handle that. Haruki stupidly looked left and then right for his missing band members. What was taking those assholes so long? He finally stood and then decided to join the teen on the floor.

He sat next to the crying boy and felt nearly as miserable. Haruki threw his arm around Mafuyu's shoulders and he instantly sank into his chest. Haruki let out another sigh. Man did he need a cigarette.

"Look, I think that you guys should have talked it out. I can perfectly envision how it went down—I mean his reaction! Not the rest!" Haruki spluttered. Mafuyu let out a wet laugh and Haruki calmed down.

"Uecchi is proud. So, if something doesn't go to his expectations, well he's harder on himself than anyone else could ever be. But I think there's more to it. Like you said. You have a past, and he feels like he has to compete with it," Haruki quietly explained.

"But he doesn't need to. When I'm with him, I'm trying really hard to only think about him," Mafuyu protested. Haruki nodded, believing the teen. But he'd be lying if he didn't understand Uenoyama on this one.

"It's a tricky thing, Mafu chan. Being in a relationship when your partner's heart is not entirely free makes one feel insecure. Even when your common sense tells you that your partner loves you, it's easy to go to dark places and second guess everything. Especially when you don't know the full details of the prior relationship. It's something that even adults struggle with," Haruki quietly explained, pouring his own feelings into his explanation.

Mafuyu lifted himself from Haruki's chest and stared at him with his salmon-colored eyes. He was doing that empath thing that he always did, completely reading the situation as an honest confession from Haruki about his own current relationship with Akihiko.

"You know, I think Kaji san and I are similar. Maybe we do have pasts with people who may always have a place in our hearts. But I know that both of us want more. Yuki will never leave me, but he will be quiet eventually. His sound gets quieter with each passing day. I love Ritsuka and I want to be with him. I don't hold them in the same regard. It's completely different," Mafuyu explained.

Haruki smiled. He knew that Mafuyu was attempting to make him feel better about his own relationship, even while he was going through his own problems. Haruki ruffled his hair with a grin.

"You're telling this to the wrong guy, Mafu chan," Haruki answered. Mafuyu sat up straight and a small smile played across his lips.

"Communication?" Mafuyu asked as a joke since Haruki loved to lecture them with the word.

"Communication."

***

The second half of band practice went a lot more smoothly, though the boys had yet to have a moment alone. Uenoyama knew that he was at major fault here, and he knew that they needed to talk about things that had been avoided. It's just the thought of voicing his fears aloud…well he felt uneasy. Mafuyu didn’t often make it easy. When his boyfriend didn’t want to speak on a subject, he literally would not speak.

Uenoyama had to remind himself of the facts here. He loved Mafuyu and wanted to be with him. Mafuyu had told him that he loved him too. Beyond that, there wasn't a wealth of information. Most of what he knew about Yuki had come second hand from Hiiragi and occasionally Shizusumi. He wasn't so sure how reliable that information was. It sounded like that while Mafuyu and Yuki weren't particularly hiding their relationship in the past, they also hadn't publicly declared it or anything.

So, the two now stood side-by-side on the subway, as they had after school. They hadn't said anything to one another, but some of the awful tension from earlier had dissipated. Uenoyama had no doubt in his mind that Mafuyu had been lectured from Haruki just as much as he had from Kaji. They were such big brothers sometimes, though he supposed the continuation of the band was their true motive.

"Uenoyama kun. Do you want to come over…and talk?" Mafuyu suddenly asked in his quiet fashion. Uenoyama quickly faced him with wide eyes. Mafuyu never suggested that they talk… actually, the last time they had an argument at summer school, he had urgently demanded that they talk. He was worried that something terrible would happen if they didn't. Uenoyama supposed that he understood that fear more now.

"Okay," he answered, still having a hard time getting his hackles down. Mafuyu's eyes looked so relieved then that Uenoyama felt like ten-pounds of shit in a five-pound bag. When the train got bumpy, Uenoyama allowed himself to fall into Mafuyu a little. Mafuyu looked like he was going to cry. Uenoyama wished that he could hold him then.

They walked from the train to Mafuyu's apartment in silence. It was dark and Uenoyama took that opportunity to text Yayoi and let her know where he was. They hadn't even made it up the stairs before he got her reply telling him to wrap it up. He pointedly chose to ignore her. Mafuyu let them in but excused himself to take Tama out to use the bathroom. Uenoyama didn’t feel like he was being given much of a chance to follow his boyfriend, so he went to his room instead.

As usual, Mafuyu's mom wasn't home. He'd only met the woman once so far. She was very pretty and had the same coloring as her son. She had been polite but also treated him warily. Uenoyama got it. He could only imagine how broken Mafuyu had been when Yuki had first died. The spacey shell of a human that he'd met not quite half a year ago was the result of less than a year of dealing with pain. Mafuyu had probably been catatonic. From what he'd pieced together from Hiiragi and Shizu, he had stopped talking to them entirely until that fateful night that Hiiragi spotted them outside of the live house.

Uenoyama pulled up Mafuyu's blankets that were kicked down at the foot of the bed before sitting down. Restless, he stood again and picked up some of his boyfriend's clothes that were thrown to the floor, placing them into the hamper instead. Then he stacked his notebooks and school things at the kotatsu.

"Are you cleaning my room?" Mafuyu's voice suddenly questioned. Uenoyama, straightened from his task, blushing. It was weird, huh? Cleaning his boyfriend's room for him?

"I, uh, just tidied up a little," Uenoyama confirmed as Tama leapt at his legs, begging for attention. Uenoyama made an exhaustive eyeroll but picked up the white dog, carefully holding it. He knew that Kedama meant a lot to his boyfriend. He also knew that Mafuyu's mom had bought him a pet so that he wouldn't be alone and do something stupid when he was depressed, even if it was an expense that they probably couldn't afford.

Uenoyama sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, not quite feeling the right to sit on it. Not when things weren't clear between them. Mafuyu joined him, allowing space between them so as not to pressure Uenoyama.

"I think we should talk about what happened," Mafuyu stated. "Or why it happened," he corrected. Uenoyama couldn't help his widening eyes. It always shocked him how closed up Mafuyu was and then out of nowhere, sudden brutal honesty. "Why did you leave? I don't think it was just because you were embarrassed." Uenoyama was feeling especially embarrassed now that Mafuyu was making it sound like he should have been. Was he saying what he meant? He saw Haruki and Kaji floating around his mind then, both saying "communication" in unison.

"Well at first, I was embarrassed. But then I think it became something else," Uenoyama started. Mafuyu was looking at him for once, not off at a wall or somewhere in the distance.

"I know that you were a virgin, Ritsuka. You don't have to be embarrassed. I was trying to tell you that and help you get back in the mood, but you left," Mafuyu said, sounding pained at the end of the sentence. Uenoyama exhaled with a set jaw.

"Well, that's part of it. You weren't a virgin. You have experience with…Yuki. And I just feel like he's always there. I feel like the intruder in this relationship. Sometimes it feels one-sided," Uenoyama found himself admitting. "I don't really know all of what happened. And I know it's not my business. But sometimes I worry about what I don't know, what you may be expecting and not receiving. And it makes me feel like shit," Uenoyama finished. It wasn't often that he was the one getting teary-eyed between the two of them.

"I can't pretend that he wasn't a part of my life. He was. And I loved him. And honestly, there's a part of me that always will," Mafuyu whispered, seeming afraid to be honest. His words hurt Uenoyama then, but they weren't words that he hadn't already expected.

"But it's not all as you think. I mean, do you want me to tell you about it?" Mafuyu asked. Uenoyama's heart was in his throat. He wanted to know as much as he didn't want to know. So, he took a deep breath and nodded. He pet Tama endlessly, his hands feeling antsy with this apparent backstory that he'd finally be getting.

"I met Yuki when I was maybe five? I was hiding outside because my dad was home. My dad used to beat me when I spoke. So, I started to spend time outside since I had a harder time being quiet when I was little," Mafuyu began. Uenoyama's face was one of shock and rage.

"Yuki and his mom lived next door and Hiiragi a few houses down. We all played together. Shizu came when we started school. It was always the four of us for the longest time. But Yuki was my best friend. He was there when my dad was arrested for abuse to me and my mom. He was there to talk for me at school. We just got each other. He could read my mind, and I could read his, even though we were pretty different," Mafuyu continued.

"Mafuyu, you don't have to say more," Uenoyama offered, feeling terrible that he was dragging these memories out. He had known that Mafuyu didn’t have a dad, but he hadn’t known that he was an abused child. No wonder he was so quiet. He'd been conditioned at a young age to not make sound. Uenoyama's blood boiled with that information.

"I don't mind. I think it's better to get this over with," Mafuyu countered. Uenoyama nodded in ascent. "We started sort of dating in middle school, our last year. I can't say exactly when I fell in love with Yuki. Maybe I always had been. But we started doing stuff. And I don’t know what kind of impression you have, but Yuki and I only had sex like maybe three times," Mafuyu added with a side eye.

"Really?!" Uenoyama blurted out like an idiot. Mafuyu nodded solemnly.

"I got in a different high school than them, as you know. That's when things changed. They formed a band and Yuki started working a lot for studio fees and to save up for the Gibson. I wasn't included in any of this. Yuki…well, when we started dating, he always wanted to protect me, but sometimes that meant he would ignore what I wanted.

"I don't think he realized that he was isolating me, and from our mutual friends too. So, one day, last winter, we got in a huge fight at the train station. We never really fought before. I don't think I ever raised my voice before then," Mafuyu explained, his story telling slowing down. His breathing had gotten more deliberate, his voice shakier.

"I said something stupid to him. When he realized that I was so upset and ready to break up, he said he'd quit music for me. I was so mad that he was missing the point. I mean, we always understood each other, but not then. And, so, I asked him if he would die for me instead," Mafuyu damn near whispered. He completely stopped talking then, folding in on himself and crying into his lap. Uenoyama dropped Tama and pulled Mafuyu into his arms.

Uenoyama needed to hear the final part. He pretty much knew it, but he needed to hear the end just in case. It took some minutes of hugging and back patting to calm Mafuyu down, but at length he did.

"Gomen."

"Don't worry about it," the dark-haired teen said, passing him his own tissue box. Mafuyu wiped at his face and blew his nose. He looked so exhausted, telling this story that obviously had consumed him for some time.

"I went to his house when I hadn’t heard from him for two days. I found him in his room. He had drunk a bunch and…he hung himself," Mafuyu finished. Uenoyama laced his fingers in between Mafuyu's, trying to offer him comfort after such a story. Some of the missing pieces had finally been filled in. He wasn't sure that he felt better for knowing though.

"The truth is I was going to end our relationship," Mafuyu whispered. "And I think Yuki knew that. I wanted to go back to just being best friends. I loved him as a friend before anything, and when we had been friend's we did things together. He didn’t shield me. His protectiveness was smothering me I think," Mafuyu said, sniffling some more.

"But I do miss him. He knew everything about me. I never had to explain myself. And he loved me. I didn’t feel alone," he finished.

"Do I make you feel alone?" Uenoyama asked after a considerable amount of silence passed between them.

"You did the other night," Mafuyu answered truthfully. Uenoyama felt his heartache. He had not been a good boyfriend. Now that he knew even more about Mafuyu's past, he felt like a larger pile of shit too.

"Are you unhappy with me? Do you want to end this?" Uenoyama asked, terrified of the answer. Mafuyu's head shot up quickly then, his bangs falling into his eyes.

"No Ritsuka. I don’t want this to end. I love you. You've helped me grow stronger. You've motivated me and worked beside me. You were never protecting me but teaching me how to be stronger beside you. I want to stay by your side. As equals. That's why you kind of pissed me off," Mafuyu answered in earnest. Uenoyama let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Pissed because I left?"

"Well yeah, but also because you wouldn’t let me teach you. You taught me guitar and music, how to be alive again and patch things up with Hiiragi and Shizu. Why can't I teach you too?" Mafuyu explained. Uenoyama was confused, his brows knit together.

"Teach me what?" he ventured; his sapphire blue eyes locked on Mafuyu's salmon-colored ones.

"Intimacy. Sex. I can show you these things if you let me. I thought we were equals and then you treated me like we weren't. It made me angry," Mafuyu answered. Uenoyama's face flushed pink. "Why does this embarrass you so much?"

"I…don't know. It just does. I wasn't trying to make you feel that way, Mafuyu. I don't feel superior to you. Often, it's the opposite. You're so fucking talented, learning guitar so quickly, and how to write songs. I love the sound of your voice. I didn't know it then, but I fell in love with you the first time I heard you sing in the stairwell. And…I love your smell, I love how you look, I just love you," Uenoyama stammered out, feeling so embarrassed to express his feelings. But he felt like they were covering a lot of ground tonight. They were finally addressing all the unspoken things between them.

Mafuyu's eyes had flooded with tears. It was obvious that his words had touched him. He moved closer and joined their lips in a kiss. It started off slow and sweet, imitating what had been declared. However, it picked up quickly after that.

"Show me, Mafuyu. I want to pleasure you," Uenoyama said, so embarrassed, but knowing that he just needed to say it. Mafuyu smiled as he stood, picking up Tama and dumping him outside the bedroom door.

"Sure," he answered, offering his hands to his boyfriend who was still sitting on the floor. Uenoyama took them and pulled himself up. He immediately pulled Mafuyu into his arms, pressing their chests together as their lips met fiercely. Mafuyu snickered into the kiss and Uenoyama broke it apart with a questioning brow.

"I see that I have taught you kissing pretty well," he teased. Uenoyama blushed and decided to push his boyfriend onto the bed in retaliation. Maybe there were ulterior motives? Kaji had suggested practice and Mafuyu expressed a desire to teach. It was vital to the success of the band that they master sex as soon as possible. Might as well get started, right?

Uenoyama joined Mafuyu on the bed with a determined face. Mafuyu laughed.

"You know, Ritsuka, you don't have to be so serious. This should be fun and relaxing. We should just be enjoying each other," Mafuyu said gently with a smile. Uenoyama felt his heart thudding as Mafuyu called him by his given name. It meant everything when he did.

"Okay. Well, how should we start?" the dark-haired teen asked, feeling incredibly nervous. He felt so happy that Mafuyu and he had talked through their problems. He was also so grateful that they were emerging through this as a couple. He hadn't wanted their relationship to end when it had only just begun.

"Well, it wasn't as if you hadn't gotten things started right last time. Let's get undressed again, together," Mafuyu answered, already leaning forward to start a kiss. Uenoyama gratefully took his lips, ecstatic to hear that he had gotten things right at least up to that point. The kiss started off slow, Uenoyama still trying to be respectful of Mafuyu's feelings after having told the story of Yuki. But Yuki didn't feel like the usual lingering obstacle in his head like he normally did. Maybe Haruki was right and Mafuyu was in a new story that was all about him.

At length, the kiss heated up, a battle of dominance developed as tongues deepened, teeth bumped and nipped, and their hands found each other's faces. Uenoyama was already hard from this alone. They'd never shared such a passionate kiss before. And the sounds that were coming from Mafuyu, it was like a song that he'd never heard before.

"Um, Ritsuka," his boyfriend managed when they broke apart for air. Uenoyama opened his sapphire eyes and saw how dilated Mafuyu's were. Uenoyama gave his boyfriend a small peck on the lips as he lifted his shirt from him. He was gifted with his lithe chest for the second time. He was so slight with pale unblemished skin. Everything was smooth, until further south where he had a very faint happy trail. But Uenoyama knew that it was wrong to find him weak or delicate. Mafuyu was so strong. He'd lived through so much adversity.

Uenoyama brought his hands to Mafuyu's bare skin, eager and curious to learn how to undo his boyfriend's cool, calm demeanor. He wanted to take his flesh in his hand and make his entire body sing, just for him. He wanted to learn how to make Mafuyu crave only him. Mafuyu looked pleased, eyes still heavily lidded, breathing picking up.

"You know, I thought that we were going to be equals. Yet I find you completely clothed, Uenoyama kun," Mafuyu teased lightly. Uenoyama smiled back, finding that he was feeling more relaxed this time. At least relaxed enough to take a joke. He pulled his shirt over his frame with little ceremony, tossing it to the floor. He could see desire in Mafuyu's eyes, and it boosted his confidence. He wasn't super fit, but apparently, he was enough.

Mafuyu's hands began to wander, just as his had, it was like he too was trying to learn the dark-haired teen's secrets.

"You can tell that you used to be an athlete," Mafuyu praised, already unzipping Uenoyama's jeans. "Maybe we should play basketball more during lunch to keep you in shape," he further joked. Uenoyama snorted. How could he be thinking about school right now? "Or I guess we can just do other activities to stay in shape. Something that requires endurance?" Mafuyu punctuated, with a kiss, as he brought their lips together. He was kneeling on the bed, face leaning down as he began to unbutton his own jeans and then pull them down. Uenoyama allowed Mafuyu to stand up momentarily to fully get the jeans off, but then he quickly pulled him back to the bed.

Uenoyama was laying back, his legs resting off the side of the bed, with Mafuyu now straddling his lap. Mafuyu's salmon-colored eyes looked down at him with lust and adoration. He even had a smile on his lips, something that was less rare these days, but always a treat. Uenoyama reached a hand up to cup his jaw affectionately.

"Mafuyu, you're beautiful," the dark-haired teen admitted. It was hard to confess such a thing, he really wished that it weren't, but he thought that he should try and be honest from now on. Mafuyu's eyes flooded with tears, but they were happy ones.

"Well, if I'm beautiful, you're sexy. How many girls do you think would be upset right now?" Mafuyu teased, trying to keep the atmosphere light. Uenoyama laughed.

"From what I hear, you have a lot of secret fans. I'll have my hands full fighting them all back," Uenoyama confirmed. Mafuyu giggled.

"I have fans with the girls?" he asked genuinely surprised. Uenoyama rolled his eyes elaborately.

"Sometimes you are so unaware. Yeah, baka. You have tons of fans. And they all watch you on YouTube singing now. You're like a high school celebrity," Uenoyama explained to his clueless boyfriend. Mafuyu's eyes temporarily widened but ultimately, he shrugged.

"Well, it's a waste of their time. I'm sorry to break anyone's heart, but yours is the only one that I care about, Ritsuka," he said with conviction, leaning down to join their lips again. Uenoyama bucked his hips upwards as Mafuyu leaned down, grinding their crotches together. Mafuyu moaned, since he was only in his boxers while Uenoyama still had his jeans pulled up. They continued grinding for a few minutes, both of their breathing becoming labored.

"Let's get naked, Ritsuka. I want to feel your skin against mine," Mafuyu said at last when they were both trembling. Uenoyama nodded, knowing that he was getting too worked up again. His flesh felt so heated, and he knew that he was sweating. Mafuyu reluctantly rolled off from his lap so that Uenoyama could pull off his jeans and boxers. When he looked back to his boyfriend, he saw that Mafuyu had removed his as well.

Uenoyama stared at his pink erection crowned in strawberry blond hair. How was Mafuyu so gorgeous? Uenoyama took a deep breath as he snaked his arm over and firmly grasped Mafuyu's cock. Up until now, he hadn't directly touched the other teen. He thought about that, knowing that it was weird. It seemed like their physical progression was all over the place. He decided that he would take to studying Mafuyu's desires with the same dedication he had to guitar. Lucky for him, he at least had the same parts and could jerk off a guy with little doubt.

Mafuyu's eyes snapping shut while he leaned back on his arms spoke volumes. His lips were parted as he breathed hard, his chest heaving as Uenoyama's strokes became longer and faster. It did feel strange to be touching a penis that was not his own, but for Mafuyu, he'd do just about anything so as long as he could keep seeing this face.

"Okay, Ritsuka, stop or I'm gonna cum," Mafuyu begged breathlessly.

"Maybe you should," Uenoyama admitted aloud, embarrassed. He didn't want Mafuyu to not go again. What if he came prematurely again?

"I want to cum with you inside of me," Mafuyu said, stilling the dark-haired teen's hand. "Ritsuka, does anal sex weird you out?" he suddenly asked as he fully laid back on the bed. His face was flushed, eyes still dilated and sparkling, and breathing a bit labored. His erection was painfully hard and at attention. Uenoyama almost couldn't breathe to such a sight.

"I mean, well I never considered it until you. But no. I think that should be pretty obvious by now," he answered, very distracted, but coming to when he was reminded of his failures in bed up to this point.

"Then you should stretch me," Mafuyu suggested. The way his hair was fallen in his eyes and his lithe chest was rising and falling, Uenoyama was reminded of him on stage, singing with everything he had. He'd always wanted to take him when he looked that way. It was like a wish come true.

"Okay, but I don't know how," he admitted incredibly nervous.

"That's alright, I'll guide you," Mafuyu offered. Uenoyama nodded as he left the bed to get the lube and condom from the drawer again. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself. It seemed like things were going a lot smoother this time around. Mafuyu certainly looked like he was enjoying himself, which was his main goal. Mafuyu scooted onto the bed the right way, giving Uenoyama plenty of room to crouch before him.

Uenoyama flicked the top of the bottle up, having done this much before, and poured some of the liquid into his hand. A substantial amount spilled onto the sheets and he looked to his boyfriend apologetically.

"Don't worry. It can be washed," he angelically encouraged. Uenoyama nodded as coated his middle finger and tried to swipe up some more. He gently brought his finger to Mafuyu's hole, trying to imitate what he saw Mafuyu do twice now. There seemed to be some resistance and Uenoyama pondered the tightness of the ring of muscles at his entrance. No wonder it felt so good when he was in there. He'd never experienced something so tight.

Eventually he was able to sink his finger into his warmth, strangely aroused by the sight of part of his body being inside of his boyfriend. He experimentally began to move his finger in cautious circular motions, remembering the whole point of this. He had to make room for his cock so that Mafuyu wasn't in pain. He could tell that there was some discomfort, Mafuyu's erection had started to soften like the last time. He grew worried that he wasn't going to master this after all.

"Add another finger, Ritsuka. And then scissor them once I relax," Mafuyu instructed, his breathing still labored. Uenoyama removed his hand and slicked up his fingers again, not even being careful with the lube this time. He was eager to make this start feeling good for his boyfriend again. As he added both fingers, he could see the pain across Mafuyu's face. So, with his left hand, he rubbed at his boyfriend's failing erection to try and distract Mafuyu. His cock instantly responded, twitching as the blood began to rush back to it.

"Ah, Ritsuka," Mafuyu praised, as he began to pump his cock as it hardened. Precum was visibly seeping from the head, and Uenoyama ran his thumb into it, smearing it all over his dick. He remembered to focus on the stretching too, slowly thrusting his fingers into his boyfriend, surprising himself at being able to keep up with two rhythms at once. But he was a fucking musician after all.

Mafuyu suddenly gasped as his pelvis bucked forward, Uenoyama could see his belly clench and thighs flex. What the fuck was that?

"You hit my prostate," Mafuyu explained to Uenoyama's curious eyes. "Do you know about that?" he questioned, looking ready to come undone. The dark-haired teen nodded, not wanting to explain how he had looked up the mechanics of gay sex not too long ago. "I think I'm ready, Ritsuka," Mafuyu finished, shivering, and looking oh-so-fuckable. Uenoyama licked his lips that had gone dry and removed his fingers. Mafuyu whimpered from the loss of contact and it was adorable.

Uenoyama quickly rolled the condom on, having the hang of it now and added a coat of lube. The sheets were a mess, and the room was starting to smell musky. To him, everything was perfect. He scooted close and guided his cock to Mafuyu's entrance, holding it firmly in hand so that it wouldn't slip out of place. This time, he really knew to expect the absolute tightness of the outer ring of muscles. He took his time, not only so that he wouldn't cum right away—again—but to monitor Mafuyu's face and make sure that he was actually enjoying it this time.

When he bottomed out, he breathed deeply, waiting a moment to move. Mafuyu didn't seem to be in much pain this time, or the pleasure was outweighing it. The look on his boyfriend's face he catalogued. It was precious. Uenoyama slowly pulled out a way, before slowly pushing back in, watching his cock split his boyfriend open. Once again, the tightness was no joke, and he knew that he had to really concentrate here to be a good lover.

Uenoyama gently lifted one of Mafuyu's legs a bit higher, so that he could get in deeper. He wanted to find his prostate. He wanted to hear him sing. After a few slow thrusts, Uenoyama realized that Mafuyu was meeting his thrusts with his own. It was like playing music together at practice or on stage, working together to make a sound. And they were already so in tune. The hand the held Mafuyu's thigh clenched down tightly as he picked up the pace and rolled his hips harder into his boyfriend, the room starting to take on the slapping sounds of skin hitting skin.

"Ritsuka! There!" Mafuyu sang when he apparently hit his prostate. Uenoyama's eyes lit up as sweat ran down his face and the back of his neck. He wasn't going to take his chances again. He thrust in the direction given as he used his free hand to pump at Mafuyu's cock in time with the thrusts. Mafuyu's face was pink with exertion and his mouth was wide open as he breathed like there was no air. Uenoyama felt Mafuyu's muscles clench all around his cock in a spasm as the most beautiful moan tore form his boyfriend's throat and he shot strands of cum up his own chest.

Uenoyama was half a second behind him, cumming harder than he ever had in his life and slowly pumping himself through his orgasm, still buried deep in Mafuyu's ass. He had no shame as he collapsed onto the smaller teen, his head face down in the pillow, still panting and experiencing pure ecstasy.

"Ritsuka, I need to put my legs down. I'm getting a cramp," Mafuyu gently prodded after a few minutes. Uenoyama quickly rolled off his boyfriend, eyes opening in concern. He hadn't needed to though, because Mafuyu's face was one of satisfaction, adoration, and love. Uenoyama leaned forward, holding Mafuyu's cheek gently as he joined their lips in a kiss. Mafuyu leaned in. It was slow and sweet. It was everything.

Reluctantly, Uenoyama sat up to remove the condom and clean off Mafuyu's chest. Mafuyu also ordered him to turn on his CD player because he wanted him to hear a song from Kaji's collection. Afterwards, he laid back down and pulled the other teen into his arms, never wanting to let him go. If he closed his eyes, he could see Mafuyu's face in climax again, he could hear the sound of his voice in primal joy. These were things he'd remember forever.

"So, was that better?" Uenoyama eventually asked. Mafuyu giggled to his insecure boyfriend, snuggling his head of messy, sweaty hair onto his chest.

"That was amazing. Almost as good as performing on stage," Mafuyu answered sweetly. Uenoyama's eyebrows shot up.

"Almost?" he demanded. Mafuyu giggled more as he squeezed his boyfriend's torso with his lithe arms.

"Having sex with you reminds me of playing music. I think it's only going to get better. We know how to work together, ne?" Mafuyu said. Uenoyama's sapphire eyes grew watery, wondering how Mafuyu had felt exactly the same way as he.

"As long as we keep talking," Uenoyama consented with a smile, leaning his head into his boyfriend's.

"Uhn," Mafuyu agreed sleepily. It wasn't much longer until the room was filled with the soft sounds of their rhythmic breathing, both rightfully exhausted and satisfied, the music playing low in the background. Tama whined outside of Mafuyu's door, finally laying down himself and falling asleep.


End file.
